"MAX vs MAXINE"

ANOTHER LIGHT NOTE!.... DT


Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.-------------------------------------------------------------------Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allowsThem to stand closer to the kitchen sink. -------------------------------------------------------------------How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough toBuild up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told -------------------------------------------------------------------I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. -------------------------------------------------------------------Why do men die before their wives? They want to. -------------------------------------------------------------------Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. -------------------------------------------------------------------In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth! AND MAXINE SAYS.....WIPE YOUR MOUTH, THERE’S STILL A TINY BIT OF BULLSHIT AROUND YOUR LIPS!

"THE POIGNANT DASH"

TOO PROFOUND NOT TO POST!.....DT

The Dash
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of his friend.He referred to the dates on her tombstonefrom the beginning...to the end.He noted that first came the date of her birthand spoke of the second with tears,but he said that what mattered most of allwas the dash between those years.For that dash represents all the timethat she spent alive on earth,and now only those who loved herknow what that little line is worth.For it matters not, how much we own;the cars, the house, the cash.What matters is how we live and loveand how we spend our dash.So think about this long and hard,are there things you'd like to change?For you never know how much time is left.(You could be at "dash mid-range.")If we could just slow down enoughto consider what's true and real,and always try to understandthe way other people feel.And...be less quick to anger,and show appreciation moreand love the people in our liveslike we've never loved before.If we treat each other with respect,and more often wear a smile,remembering that this special dashmight only last a little while.So, when your eulogy is being readwith your life's actions to rehash...would you be pleased with the things they have to sayabout how you spent your dash?...Linda Ellis

"10 SIMPLE COMMANDMENTS"

(ON A LIGHTER NOTE!)


The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Harlan, Ky.) (1) Just one God (2) Honor yer Ma & Pa (3) No tellin' tales or gossipin' (4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin' (5) Put nothin' before God (6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal (7) No killin' (8) Watch yer mouth (9) Don' t take what ain't yers (10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff .